Archive for the ‘ Private Rantings ’ Category

Cavemen

Men have a seriously warped sense of communication. They seldom realize that it’s not what they SAY, but what they DON’T SAY that becomes the source of discord within a relationship.

I understand that every couple has their own unique set of issues, but I believe that they are all rooted in one specific complaint, inequality.

1. Time

When you have a situation where one person is working and the other one isn’t, the way in which time is spent during waking hours becomes a bone of contention. I, for example, while only working between 3-4 days a week, have to spend the bulk of my days off doing homework. Yes, I’ve chosen this path, but only for the betterment of my (our???) future. My free time is extremely limited and I don’t believe that it’s unfair of me to expect that it’s respected. Particularly by those in my life that are fortunate enough to have nothing pressing to do, ever. When one person is always pressed for time and the other has a never-ending supply, arguments are bound to ensue.

Men have no guilt over how they spend their time, which brings up the next few highly related issues.

2. Housework

Trust me guys, it’s not just a woman’s job. You help create the mess, you have just as much responsibility to pick it up. It’s simple: If one person (two in my case spend from 7am to 11pm 7 days a week on a computer only leaving the house when they need to purchase cigarettes or food) has little or nothing to do with their time, and the other person is working semi-full-time and going to college full-time – it would mean a lot to not leave the bulk of the housework for the ‘busy’ person to do on their precious days off.

Let’s add it up:

32 hours of work
+
32 hours of homework
____
64 hours

Compared to…

0 work days
0 homework days
_____
112 waking hours with nothing planned

Wouldn’t it make sense for the person that had absolutely NO time constraints and who was in the house every waking hour to pick up the slack when it comes to housework?

Every couple will have their own equation, but the fact remains that when one person consistently leaves housework for the person who is home the least to do, the relationship starts to feel unstable. What this man is saying is that his time is more important than hers. That it’s her obligation to spend the few hours off she has between work and school doing laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mowing, etc. that he was incapable of getting done in the 16+ hours he was doing nothing.

2. Financial

When you add up the amount of money we both put into household expenses, at least recently, it’s pretty much even. If I go back further than that things get complicated and I start getting agitated. In a relationship such as this, where we each receive approximately the same amount of money on a monthly basis, when one person does what they please with their funds, it’s telling the other person a great deal. For starters, it’s saying: I’m more important than you.

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