Posts Tagged ‘ parking tickets ’

Damariscotta Parking Nazi’s

Here’s the recipe:

  • 2 freshly written parking tickets
  • 1 Nestle’s Chocolate Bar
  • 1 Small can of corn
  • 1 tube of Super Glue
  • 2000 pennies

Place chocolate bar in a plastic container and melt in the microwave on high for 75 seconds.  Place pennies in a quart Ziploc bag.  Pour melted chocolate over the pennies inside the bag.  Holding the top of the baggy, scrunch the pennies from the bottom, mixing them thoroughly with the chocolate.  Open the bag and drizzle in a few kernels of corn, this will create a certain shitty authenticity.  Mix again.  Open the bottle of Super Glue and squeeze gently over the penny/chocolate/corn mixture.  Scrunch again to ensure proper mixing.  Let sit at room temperature for 24 hours.

Crumple up parking ticket slips to make them look ‘used’.  Dab some melted chocolate on either your lips or your asshole.  Press the ticket firmly up against it and then drag in a southerly direction to give the appearance of a smudge.  Close Ziploc bag, staple ticket(s) to it.

Present to the Damariscotta Town Office in person with your Blackberry recording the video of the clerk’s expression.  Post response on Facebook.  Feel the frustration leaving your body…

Why am I writing this?

Stay tuned because as soon as my blood pressure is back to normal I will detail the full extent of my disgust for the Town of Damariscotta and its inadequate parking.